Mastering the Social Game
Strategies for Success in Social Dynamics
Storm Tsemach, drawing on over a decade of in-depth research, presents a groundbreaking approach to social interaction in his book, “The Dynamic Pattern in the Infinite Circle: An Introduction to Ethnocide.”
The Prague Experiment - Body Language Copying: "Snake hypnoses"
When I was traveling in Prague, I stumbled upon a huge brewery called ‘The Beer Museum’ after crossing the iconic Charles Bridge. I was thrilled to see a long list of beer types on the menu, and while I was still browsing, the waitress came to ask me what beer I would like to buy. When I asked her for a recommendation, she quickly told me that she couldn’t give me any and that I should choose for myself. It got me curious about how I could get her to suggest a beer for me.
So, I decided to conduct an experiment. I closed the menu and slowly leaned toward her while mimicking her body language. As she grabbed the menu from my hands, I looked her in the eyes, smiled, and expressed that I trusted her to pick out something delicious for me. Surprisingly, the waitress responded with a nod and a smile, and quickly walked away.
During my visit to the Beer Museum, I had the opportunity to taste a variety of beers generously provided to me free of charge by the same waitress who consistently sought my opinion. This experience taught me that sometimes, body language can be an effective tool in communicating with others. When words are not enough, how you present yourself can make a significant difference in how people respond to you.
In this case, my experiment showed that by copying the waitress’s body language, I was able to establish a connection with her, which she reciprocated by providing me with an enjoyable experience. This experience taught me that building a connection with others requires more than just words; it is also about how you carry yourself and interact with others.
My experience at The Beer Museum in Prague was not only enjoyable, but it also provided me with valuable lessons in communication and human interaction. What’s even more incredible is that this experience was completely free of charge. Not only did I have the opportunity to taste a variety of different beers, but I also learned the importance of body language and positive communication with service providers. It showed me that body language can be a powerful tool in building connections with others, and that taking the time to understand people and their behaviors can lead to positive outcomes.
The lessons I learned at The Beer Museum in Prague were not limited to the world of beer, but extended to the world of human interaction and communication. I discovered two valuable lessons that I have since applied in various situations. The first lesson I learned is the power of positive attention. By addressing a service provider by their first name and offering prolonged and positive attention, such as making appropriate physical gestures without invading their private space, the service provider is more likely to invest in the customer. As a result, I have received many free benefits from different service providers without even asking for them.
The second lesson I learned is the importance of body language and its impact on communication. I learned that copying someone’s body language during a conversation can have a double effect on people. If you copy their body language too quickly, it can be interpreted as hostility and an invasion of their safe space. This can cause a grumpy person to react negatively or even attack you, seeing it as an invitation to fight. On the other hand, if you copy their body language slowly, it can break down their hostility and help you penetrate their territory without invading their safe space. By doing so, the person will see you as part of their “family” and take care of you as much as they can.
I have since applied these lessons in various situations and have seen their effectiveness firsthand. For instance, in a restaurant, I used to ask for the name of the service provider and then use their first name while making positive gestures, such as smiling or nodding, to show them that I appreciate their work. This often resulted in them going above and beyond to make sure I was satisfied with my experience. Similarly, when meeting new people or in a negotiation, I would copy their body language slowly to break down any hostility and make them feel comfortable with me. This has helped me establish better relationships with others and achieve more successful outcomes.
The phenomena of ‘Snake Hypnoses’—the strategic mimicry of body language to foster rapport— echoes key principles found in Politeness Theory, particularly in the realm of service encounters. This theory, as discussed in Chapter 2, delineates how individuals employ various strategies to manage interpersonal relationships and preserve ‘face’ in social interactions. Notably, when a service provider, such as a waiter, uses a customer’s name, it not only personalizes the service but also acts as a positive politeness strategy, reducing social distance and enhancing the relational bond between the service provider and the customer. This personal touch can mitigate the potential for face-threatening acts, creating a more amicable and cooperative interaction. The mimicry of body language, observed in the Prague setting, can be seen as an extension of these politeness strategies, where non-verbal cues are synchronized to convey empathy and alignment, further deepening the connection established through verbal politeness acts.
In summary, my experience at The Beer Museum in Prague taught me two valuable lessons that I have applied in various situations. The first lesson is the power of positive attention, which can lead to free benefits and better service. The second lesson is the importance of body language and its impact on communication, where copying someone’s body language slowly can break down hostility and help you establish better relationships with others.